Morticia and Me

When You're Forced to Hang Out with Regular PeopleA friend tagged me in a meme on Facebook. It was a picture of Gomez and Morticia Addams of the fictional and freaky Addams Family, looking bored amongst a sea of happy smiling people. The caption reads: “When You’re Forced to Hang with Regular People”. I actually did laugh out loud because not only do I love the Addams family but being the ‘odd one out’ both physically and socially really resonates with me.

I’ve always loved the Addams Family but as a child I was particularly drawn to Morticia. Whether played by Carolyn Jones in the 1964 TV series or Angelica Huston in the 1991 and 1993 films, the character of Morticia was awesome. Morticia was my complete opposite: She had jet black hair, mine was blonde, she had what I consider to be a great figure; sadly I didn’t (and still don’t, she says, keyboard covered in crisp crumbs!), the Goth look was, literally made for her, whereas I was rubbish at trying to pull it off in my late teens; she lived in a massive gothic mansion, I didn’t; she was adored by her husband, I am adored by myself (although even that took some work!) and – most importantly, she was comfortable in her own skin.

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Big Girl Pants

Image source: FreeFoto.com

We are taught that womanhood begins when the first flow of blood releases itself from that sacred place between our legs but really this is the first step in the direction of womanhood; the body physically preparing itself for the biological strains that will accompany womanhood.  In this (Western) society womanhood is also associated with the loss of virginity. Again, this is another step towards the womanhood but without the proper emotional and psychological preparation it is purely a physical act void of any real emotional and spiritual meaning.

Surely giving birth is the sign of one’s arrival at the gates of womanhood? Considering the number of neglectful, thoughtless, cruel and selfish mothers in the world I am inclined to disagree. Like sex, without the proper spiritual, emotional and psychological preparation and support, giving birth is merely a physical/biological process. Continue reading

Heatwave, Lemonade and “Speed” Dating

IMAG0216At 7pm on Wednesday 1st July 2015 – the hottest day on record in the UK, I was in a bar in Monument, Central London with about 7 or 8 other people. I didn’t know these people, I’d never met them before, I may never meet them again but they seemed nice. I was tired and hotter than a bottle of Tabasco sauce in Hell, but I had decided that if I didn’t attend, I’d regret it so there I was, sitting with a bunch of very beautiful ladies and opposite some very ordinary looking guys.

This was my first Speed Dating event. Continue reading

Naked

IMAG0107It’s not every day you’re walking down the street and hundreds of naked people on bikes go riding by, but that’s one of the great things about living in a major city I suppose. Anything is possible.

There they were in their birthday suits, not a care in the world. They certainly weren’t body conscious or shy in any way; they didn’t seem concerned about the fact that it might rain; they weren’t phased by people like me snapping away on our camera phones… They had decided they were going to participate in a naked bike ride and they did. Simple.
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Game Plan

Note.jpegRight now, at this precise moment as I’m typing this, the people in the flat above me are, shall we say, enjoying each other’s company rather vigorously. In fact, I’m a little concerned that in a few more thrusts they’ll end up on top of me after they’ve crashed through my ceiling. Continue reading

The Mighty Vagina, Karma and F**king Off – 6 Key Things I Learned in 2014

lessons2With 2015 just a few days away most of us are in reflective mode but whether 2014 has been awesome or awful we will have learned a few things from our experiences. Here are 6 key things I learned this year…

Karma is a thing

Although I have always believed in karma I was somewhat concerned that it might be broken or something. Good people all over the world seemed to get nothing but stress, pain and suffering whilst not-so-good people seemed to be rewarded for their gluttony and inhumanity. Then, I witnessed – albeit on a small scale – the universe finally reward some good folks and force the bad to question their actions. I should never have doubted the universe, she’s slow but sure. Continue reading

First Sign of Madness

talking to yourselfWhen I typed ‘talking to yourself’ into the search engine the first thing on the list was ‘schizophrenia symptoms’. Apparently talking to yourself is, according to the old saying, the first sign of madness. I disagree. I think if more people talked to themselves there might be less madness in the world. Continue reading